Getting to Know _____ Better
An interview with Marcus Torres
Marcus Torres is a typical 10th grade student with a devout occult following and a religion dedicated entirely to him. On many occasions, Marcus has referred to himself as ‘the immutable will of the universe’, believing himself to be a presence of divine origin. Disciples of his religion follow the philosophies of ‘Marcusism’, the core teachings of which promote true freedom in indifference and the deliverance from materialistic possessions. He also listens to rap music.
The Interview (Left to Right: Ocean Chee, Marcus Torres)
Marcus, why don’t you tell us a bit more about yourself?
Marcus: Well, I am the reincarnation of the original god ‘Marcus’, the all-knowing. I am currently bound by flesh in this mortal plane.
Can you tell us a bit more about ‘Marcusism’?
Marcus: Maybe, when the opportunity presents itself.
Right. And here’s the question I’m sure most people are wanting to ask. What — is your favorite color? And why?
Marcus: The idea of color pre-dates written record, as has conscious thought and emotion. A concept that physical objects are tied to an absolute value in the human eye-
Wrong answer, next question. Do you think-
Marcus: Yes, I do. All the time in fact.
It is very rude to interrupt someone during an interview. I would advise you not to do it again. Are you at all influenced by the post-structuralism of Foucault and Derrida in your decision-making?
Marcus: Marcus: No. Definitely not. No way.
Why is that?
Just kidding, I have no idea what those words mean. Let’s circle back to an answer from a previous question. You claim to be all knowing, am I correct?
Marcus: Yeah, that’s facts.
This would make you omniscient, with endless knowledge of the world and the actions of every individual bound by nothing, not even time.
Does this imply a lack of free will?
Marcus: Of course not.
The Interview (Left to Right: Marcus Torres, Ocean Chee)
Alright, moving on then. Your self-inferred presence as a divine and omniscient being, egotist that you are, indicates a lack of concern regarding the persistent issues humanity faces on a global scale. The fact that war, famine, and hunger still plague the global community in general reveals you to be the objectively worst ‘god’ you can be; an indifferent one. How do you respond?
Marcus: I plead the fifth?
We are in China, you are not protected by the fifth amendment.
Marcus: Yo, if you can, cut that out don’t put that in the interview.
Marcus: Oh. Damn Marcus: Marcus: Well, it’s a good thing I work in mysterious ways.
Which cookie is objectively better, a Ritz cookie or an Oreo cookie? Marcus: I find that the prevalent debate between this question hinges on an inherent truth of the cookie itself. Most people are under the false pre-tense that the cream of an Oreo is superior in comparison to its bland cookie exterior, but quoth the meme I saw on the world wide web: “Darkness without light is an abyss; light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with only one side”.
Marcus: Though I concede, ‘Everything tastes great when it sits on a Ritz®’.
How the hell did you just pronounce that? That little ‘r’.
Marcus: Is this also a question? Obviously, I work in mysterious ways.
Must you compensate for your aggressively uneventful life as a tenth grader in such a pathetic way? Most people have delusions of grandeur, to me this seems a delusion of mediocrity.
Marcus: It is time to stop looking outward, Ocean, and time to start looking inward. Who are you, young child?
That is a stupid question, I think we’re the same age.
Marcus: Yes, you might be Ocean, but who are you?
Stop changing the topic.
Marcus: Answer the question.
I- I don’t know. I am an interviewer. And a student. A learner. And a criminal mastermind. And a degenera-
Marcus: This much is true. Why do you think you’ve never told this to anyone?
I guess, I’m not sure, I’ve just always been afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of embarrassment. I can never reflect on my past and see myself as a person I was proud to be, and in trying to fit in I suppose I lost my sense of individuality. I still am afraid. I’ve put so much effort into my life in organized crime-
Marcus: Admitting your fears is the first step anyone can take on the path to healing. It is only when you can recuse yourself, and fully realize the futility of mortal existence, the extent of your spiritual potential reveals itself.
But I don’t want things to change.
Marcus: And why is that?
It’s just the way I’ve lived my life so far, I don’t see any issues with my static lifestyle.
Marcus: It sounds like you’re in denial. But the thing about denial is its impermanence. After all, blissful ignorance only lasts for so long.
And what’s wrong with bliss?
Marcus: I’ll be asking the questions here, young man.
Is this what it means to be a Marcussist?
Marcus: Marcusism is whatever you want it to be. But also, no. I only accept believers who worship their gods.
Marcus: Blind faith, man. I’m asking for unwavering, eternal and blind faith in a higher power, e.g.: me.
And in return?
Marcus: In return, I give you everything. Peace. True happiness. Whatever bliss you think you have now will pale in comparison to what I can offer. Denial is transient, but Marcus…Marcus is forever.
Marcus: You’ve been quiet for a while.
Indeed, all hail the endless Marcus.
That is all for today, with this we conclude our interview. Thank you for tuning in to our inaugural attempt at Getting To Know Someone Better, we hope this experience has granted you a glimpse into the truths of Marcusism as it has for me. If you’d like to be known better in the next interview, don’t contact me because I don’t care.