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Shrek III vs. iPhone XII

There are many who wait their entire lives for the mere opportunity to steal a glance at a product, that represents millennia of evolution and humankind’s collective progress. To bear witness to the culmination of cutting-edge innovation in our increasingly modern day and age, however, is arguably a priority many have taken for granted. In the end, no matter what is done, both criticisms and appraisals of a product will always be prevalent in a free and fair market.

Now, think carefully, dear reader. Was that thoughtful introduction intended as a setup for a lengthy piece about the Apple’s recent release of the iPhone 12 pro? Or approximately 108 copies of ‘Shrek the Third’ on Blu Ray DVD (which works out to be the same price)? The correct answer is neither, yet both at the same time. This article will take an in-depth look at the benefits and limitations of buying either product, and deliver a final verdict based upon objective, inalienable facts regarding which product is more worth your money.


iPhone 12 Pro (8499¥)

  • CON: Buying an iPhone 12 Pro will ostracize you from society, as it is highly unlikely anybody else could afford such an expensive product. This leaves you alone and unable to relate to people with worse phones and better social lives.

  • CON: Paying an exorbitant amount of money for a product makes you look spoiled and overly rich, beckoning a primal instinct within those around you to overthrow the Bourgeoisie. This may leave your life at risk and also ruin your social life.

  • CON: Logically speaking, having enough money to even afford the iPhone 12 Pro would require the typical customer to rob a bank. This may leave you with a criminal record.

  • PRO: Slightly bigger screen than the previous phone.

  • CON: The iPhone 12 Pro’s bigger screen makes the phone harder to fit in your pocket.

  • CON: People might misunderstand you when you explain that you own an iPhone 12, instead assuming that this is your 12th iPhone, and that something unfortunate has happened to your past phones 11 times. This leaves you with a bad reputation.

  • CON: Buying an iPhone 12 Pro directly supports the company Apple, a company named after the objectively worst fruit. This leaves you with a bad reputation.


~108 copies of Shrek the Third on Blu Ray DVD (8424¥)

  • PRO: It is practically guaranteed that having an abundance of Shrek DVDs will make you the coolest kid on the block. You can hand a copy of the DVD out to each one of your 107 friends, while keeping one spare for yourself to rewatch over and over again.

  • PRO: Shrek, the franchise and its subsidiaries are arguably the best IP (intellectual properties) in existence, providing infinitely more value than a phone.

  • PRO: Shrek the Third as a movie features top-of-the-line animation and expertly written storytelling, in order to create a compelling narrative about the life of an ogre. It is an enjoyable movie and a timeless classic for all ages.

  • PRO: There are several uses for a copy of Shrek the Third on Blu Ray DVD. The plastic case itself can act as a paperweight, a doorstop, a ruler, or a makeshift plate for those desperate. The applications of the DVD include, but are not limited to, an impromptu pizza slicer, a sundial, and a stylish hat for those desperate.

  • PRO: By choosing to buy 108 copies of Shrek the Third over an iPhone 12 Pro, you are directly taking money away that could have benefited the company Apple.

  • CON: Owning too many copies of Shrek the Third might make you so happy, you would need to be hospitalized due to excessive smiling, though the entertainment value greatly surpasses the health risk.

FINAL VERDICT:

Overall, the decision is clear. While there are a multitude of benefits facing 108 copies of Shrek the Third on Blu Ray DVD as a product, there are too many drawbacks regarding the iPhone 12 Pro to deem it a superior product. Whilst buying an iPhone 12 Pro makes its consumers appear snobby and pretentious, 108 copies of Shrek the Third serve as an excellent conversational starter and tool to help bolster one’s social life. This is not even taking into account the brilliance of Shrek itself, which features some of the objectively best filmmaking in history throughout its entirety as a series. Realistically, even if a typical consumer could afford an iPhone 12 Pro, it would likely break within the week, whereas a copy of Shrek the Third would last for generations to come.

With this analysis in mind, you, the viewer, should be able to confidently draw your own conclusions and determine that buying 108 copies of Shrek the Third on Blu Ray DVD is ultimately cheaper and more beneficial to buying an iPhone 12 Pro.

Thank you for tuning into my official 2021 Tech Review! See you again next time where I’ll be comparing the new MacBook Pro to 30,162 pieces of garlic bread.

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